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And Zen...There's Feline Friday


A Pet Rock Weighs In On Words

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Since having awarded hisself a Seymour for editing email scams, Seymour has been seeking other venues for his editing prowess.

Thanks to Mandy Connell on KOA 850 in Denver, he found it:  her recent expose on the jack wagon loaded word becoming coveted by race-baiting leftists, intersectionality.

I looked up its origin and meaning...and what comes as no surprise, it's been around since 1989, concocted by a leftist fauxintellectual anemic, and meant to further divide people by sex, class, color, privilege...anything that the left can use to erode unity.

Which made it perfect fodder for Seymour:



Made-Up Word We're Laughing At: Intersectionality

What happens when leftist college anemics have too much time and meth on their hands


Update: This word has been recognized as full of inert compost since 1989.

It's been around since the late 1980's but intersectionality is a word that's new to many of us. Hypersensitive nincompoops on the left tried and are trying again to use it to refer to the made-up way that the effects of different forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, tweeter and wooferism) combine, overlap, and get severely overused on fake news networks like cnn and pmsnbc, to make excuses for the low informationed and illegal immigrants, among others.


Intersectionality—the latest made-up jack wagon load of inert compost, is meant by leftist nincompoops to further milk discrimination for their own personal and ideological ends.

Lately the word seems to be popping up everywhere:

"Le Douche Nozzle is the authority on intersectionality – the cockamamie ways in which identities (race, gender, sexuality) go into clusterf**k mode in Leftard Land"— Take A Letter Maria, Twatwaffle.com 7 Jan. 2016
… "an examination of two cars achieving intersectionality, which mandates that the full breadth of accident investigation include technology discrimination, which is a thing that need be acknowledged and embraced"— Yugo Forkyouself, Moron.Arg, 10 Dec. 2015

The term was coined by legal drop out Cardigan Fluke in a 1989 essay that asserts that antiEm failed to address the experiences of Dorothy in a Kansas tornado that put her in a land almost weirder than San Francisco. Fluke flatulently postulates that "[b]ecause the intersectional experience of girl in house and tornado is greater than the sum of cnn's abject stupidity and politics of ism, any analysis that does not take intersectionality of witches on bicycles and flying monkeys into account cannot sufficiently address the particular manure in which cnn's ratings have totally tanked."

Though originally applied only to the ways that sexism and racism combine and overlap, intersectionality has been stretched, twisted, milked and blurred to include just about anything non- sequitur as well, because most low information leftists have no idea what it means, but that it must mean something, what with as many syllables as it has.

Along with the noun, intersectionality has come the related adjective intersectional douchery:
… "political douchery is intersectional—a well-educated conservative person will have a different set of life experiences than a low informationed meth-using welfare cheat avoiding ICE in Kaliforlornia "… — Mehak Hairball, BusStop, 6 Jan. 2016

Intersectionality isn't a term without controversy. Educated people recognize it as another made-up leftist psychobabble term meant to woo and confuse the ill-educated audience of cnn. Leftists respond by pointing at Melania Trump and accusing her of meddling in the 2016 elections on Uranus, because she's Russian; not to mention – but they will anyway – that her husband had two scoops of ice cream, and this is somehow privilege intersectional lactose discrimination on some peculiar level, worthy of a congressional hearing, chaired by Maxipad Waters.

In short, leftist abject nonsense and childish resentment – in the form of intersucktionality – is here to stay, too.

Since Seymour awarded hisself a Seymour award for editing, he no longer covets a Pull My Fanger award for this kind of editing.

"Do TOO!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Sounds like he already won one...

Wordless Wednesday Mein Gott Undt Schtuff

Charged Up For Feline Friday

Oprah 'n the Manatees

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Alleged celebrities should really discourage scammers from using their names.

Even sorta kinda.

Take this email scam my character got recently:


I Am Ms.Jane Oparah, an Accountant with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (N.N.P.C.). I Headed A Seven-Man Tenders Board In Charge Of Contract Awards And Payment Approvals. I Came To Know Of You In My Search For A Reliable And Reputable Person To Handle A Very confidential Transaction Which Involves The Transfer Of A Huge Sum Of Money To A Foreign Account. There Were Series Of Contracts Executed By A Consortium Of Mufti-Nationals In The Oil Industry In Favour Of N.N.P.C. The Original Value Of This Contracts Were Deliberately Over-Invoiced To The Sum Of USD$32,000,000.00 (Thirty Two Million United States Dollars)this Amount Has Been Approved And Is Now Ready To Be Transferred, Being That The Companies That Actually Executed These Contracts Have Been Fully Paid And The Projects Officially Commissioned.

Consequently,I who are privy to this Excess funds are soliciting for your assistance to get this funds transferred abroad into a foreign account For Subsequent Disbursement, Since we as Civil Servants Are Prohibited By The Code Of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Law) From Operating And/or-opening Foreign Accounts In Our Names. Needless To Say, The Trust Reposed On You At This Juncture Is Enormous.

In Return, I Have Agreed To Offer You 35% Of The Transferred Sum,and 60% will be for me, While 5% Shall Be Set Aside For Incidental Expenses (Internal And External) Between Parties In The Course Of The Transaction.

You Will Be Mandated To Remit The Balance To Other Accounts In Due Course. Modalities Have Been Worked Out At The Highest Level and The Fund is Deposited in Union Bank Of Nigeria (U.B.N) For The Immediate Transfer Of The Funds Within 14 Working Days Subject To Your Satisfaction Of The Above Stated Terms and condition. Our Assurance Is That Your Role Is Risk Free.

To Accord This Transaction The Legality It Deserves And For Mutual Security Of The Funds The Whole Approval Procedures Will Be Officially And Legally Processed With Your Name Or The Name Of Any Company You May Nominate As The Benefice Beneficiary.

Once More, I Want You To Understand That Having Put In Over Ten Years In The Civil Service Of My Country, I Am Averse To Having My Image And Career Dented. This Matter Should Therefore Be Treated With The Utmost Secrecy And Urgency It Deserves. Kindly Expedite Action As We Are Behind Schedule To Enable Us Include This Transfer In This Batch Which Would Constitute The First Quarter Payments For The 2018 Financial Year.  



My pet rock, Seymour, saw the edit possumbilities instanters.

"Did NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"


So he says NOW...but a short time ago, my pet rock penned this edit of the above scam email:


From: MS. OPARAH WINDFRIED< sydneyemeka@yahoo.com>
Sent: Thursday, February 22, 2018 10:55 PM
Subject:Dang, a run in my crotch
 

I Am Ms. Oparah Windfried, an oversized diet expert and talk show dumbinary who considered running for president before discovering what I thought was a stretch mark was actually a run in my crotch.

Hate when that happens.
On behalf of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (N.N.P.C.). I gave head to a Seven-Man Tenders Board In Charge Of a local fly-infested internet café outside of Lagos. I Came To Know Of You In My Search For an unReliable And disReputable Person To have on my show Which Involves The illegal and illicit world trade and Transfer Of A Huge number of sexually abused hamsters. During our research for this show, it was also learned that a new global trade in dumping t-shirts from failed political crimepaigns on manatees for ESPN commercials was engineered by the Clinton Crimedation, In Favour Of N.N.P.C. in exchange for extortion-level donations to the Clinton Globull Crimedation.

All the while, Hellary can't figure out how she lost being 50 points up, while gnawing on a Tide pod to prove she's one with the millennials.

Consequently, I who are wedged in a privy because some yutz let the toilet seat up and I didn't notice, are soliciting for your assistance to get my wedged ass out of here, Since public privies in Shotcago tend to go uncleaned for months at a time because of some peculiar clause in the Federal Endangered Feces Act, taken up as a cause by dumbed down activists in the Occupy something-anything movement.  Needless To Say, The eating of those Tide pods by millennials has taken a toll on critical thinking that is proving almost as Enormous as Hellary's ass.

In Return, I Have Agreed To Offer You 35% Of The Vaseline required to lube my ass out of here.

 You Will Be species/gender-neutraldated To Remit an essay explaining how everything bad in the world is the fault of Donald Trump going back 10,000 years, in 50 words or less.  I'd make it longer, but those Tide pods affect clarity of mind and articulating written words too.  Modalities Have Been Worked Out At The Highest Level on an abacus used by a yak as a sex toy in Kirovsk in 2014 and Deposited in the WTF Museum of Sexual Artiphucks, located in the basement of the DNC and guarded by a video of Nancy Bela Pelosi making some of the dumbest comments since Hank Johnson had Guam tipping over.  My Assurance Is That Your Role Is Risky in the extreme, 'cuz if this misfires, I will simply out you to the lamestream servile mediocres and use you to cover up democrap corruption in the news cycle.

 I'm the Oparah, and can do that.

Once More, I Want You To Understand That Having gotten wedged in the public privy in Shotcago, I Am Averse To Having My Image And Career Dented with pictures of this coming out in the Weekly World News. This Matter Should Therefore Be Treated With The Utmost Secrecy And Urgency It Deserves. Kindly Expedite Action As I Are Behind Schedule because I'm stuck here and can't afford to do a remote from here ("and now, back to Oparah, wedged in a Shotcago privy"...) so as to Enable me to do a show at some point about people who get runs in their crotches.

Yours Sincerely,
Ms. Oparah Windfried  
 
 
When Seymour came up with that "run in the crotch" line, I do believe even he actually winced...

"Did N..er..so..ewwwww".

Mueller Ain't The Only One Who Can't Investigate

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From the look on his face, his hand is up because his bowels are about to implode.

And that's been Bobbie Mueller's standard look since trying to help Hellary with the faked Trump dossier.

But he ain't the only one suffering from faux investigation dysfunction.

Get a load of this numbnuts:

United States Investigations Services (USIS)
7799 Leesburg Pike
Suite 1100 North
Falls Church, VA 22043
Compliment of The Day,


                                  READ CAREFULLY


I am Mitch Lawrence the Vice President, Security and
Counterintelligence (CI) for United States Investigations
Services (USIS) in alliance with Economic Community of West
African states (ECOWAS) with the head Office in Nigeria. We the
United States government and the United Nation, we have been
working towards the eradication of Internet Scam around the
globe, western part of Africa to be precise.

However, it has been revealed that there's no fund in your name
anywhere in the world, if you have been receiving e-mails from
Banks, Compensation Office, Lottery, Inheritance funds e.t.c.,
you're therefore advise to ignore such e-mails they are
impostor/fraudster trying to rip you off your hard earn money and
if you're in communication with any person or office claiming
that your funds is with them, we also advise you to stop/seize
further communication and transaction with such person/office
immediately, they are all liars and thieves. Also you're order to
forward such emails to this office to help aid the arrest of this
fraudsters and impostors.

We have been able to track down so many of this scam artist in
various part of west Africa countries which includes (NIGERIA,
REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA CAMERON AND SENEGAL), they are all
in the custody of the United States Secret Agent (USSA) Nigeria,
also huge amount of money was recovered from the scam artists. In
reference to this, several indoor meeting was held between the
United Nation, United States government and the African Union in
Abuja the federal capital of Nigeria, agreement was reached that
scam victims will be compensated with the money recovered from
scam artist that are in custody of the Nigeria Economic and
Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the United States Secret
Agent (USSA) in Nigeria.

Note this e-mail is been directed to you because during our
investigations, your email address was found in one of the scam
Artists file and computer hard disk in  our custody. In reference
to this regards, you will be compensated with the sum of US$17,
.500,000.00 (Seventeen Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars).
Meanwhile, the Africa Union has requested for evidence to prove
you are a victim of West Africa scam. In plight to this regards
the USIS have appointed a United State base Attorney (Ben Gibson)
here in the State to advocate on your behalf and provide the
requested evidence to process the payment approval for your fund
to be release  to you.


IMPORTANT NOTICE: The only fee you're to pay to the Attorney is
the processing fee $325.00 for procurment of legal evidence to
prove to the West Africa Union that you are a victim of scam.
Also kindly request him to direct you on how to submit the
processing fee $325.


Kindly verify your details to Ben Gibson to enable him process
and secure evidence to aid the release of your payment to you,
also make sure your details and residential address are provided
correctly to avoid any atom of mistake and delay during
processing.


Your Full Name: ................... Full Residential
Address:.......... (P.O.BOX NOT ALLOWED) Direct Phone Number:
.............. Valid ID Card: ....................


CONTACT PERSON: BEN GIBSON

E-MAIL ADDRESS: beng31275@gmail.com

TEL: +1 (707)639-1379

As soon as he received your details, the processing to aid the
release of your Compensation Refund will be facilitated
immediately and your US$17, .500,000.00 (Seventeen Million five
Hundred Thousand Dollars) will be made payable to you in due time
within the next 72 hours.

Treat as urgent!

Regards.

Mitch Lawrence

Vice President, Security and Counterintelligence
United States Investigations Services (USIS)  


Since I can't have any fun with the made-up Trump dossier, I most certainly can have some fun with this:


From: Mitch Lawrence <info@un.org>
Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2018 6:53 AM
To: dorknwhackoff@hotmail.com
Subject:READ CAREFULLY IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE FROM A MARMOT.

 

United Nation Investigation Soivices (UNIS)
7799 Leesburg Pickerel
Suite 1100
North Falls Church of the Perpetual Horkage, VA 22043

Condiment of The Day: dildo relish


                                 READ CAREFULLY IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE FROM A MARMOT

I am Mitch Lawrence the Vice President, Security and
Counterintelligence (CI) for United Nation Investigation
Soivices (UNIS) in alliance with A Community of West
African states (ACOWSASS) with the head up their ass in Nigeria.
We the United Nation government and the United Nation of the
ungoverned, we have been working towards the perpetuation
of Internet Scam around the globe, western part of Africa to be precise.

We want it everyf**kingwhere.
However, it has been revealed that there's no record in your name
anywhere in the world that says you've been sodomized online
by our eagerly standing by operators of dubious antecedence.
Why the f**k not?
if you have been receiving e-mails from Banks, Compensation
Office, Lottery, Inheritance funds e.t.c., you're therefore advise
to respond affirmatively and positively to such e-mails they are
send by hard working and righteous scammers from Third
World sh*tholes who are trying to rip you off your hard earn
money and they are entitled to do this because Barack Insane
Obola said you didn't earn that money and he wants it
redistributed.
Why you not listen to him?  You racist????

if you're in communication with any person or office claiming
that we are full of sh*t, we also advise you to stop/seize
further communication and transaction with such person/office
immediately, they are right but that's not the point; they're
fucking with our rice bowl, and you just stop listen to them
and do the right thing and pay us because you owe us.

We have been able to track down so many of this scam artist in
various part of west Africa countries which includes (NIGERIA,
REPUBLIC OF BENIN, TOGO, GHANA CAMERON AND SENEGAL),
and we have offer all of them jobs in our luxury and deluxely
accommodated fly-infested internet café in the Third World
Shithole capital of forever, Lagos Nigeria.
So far, we collect huge amount of money recovered from mugus
like you.
Just not yet from you.
Note this e-mail is been directed to you because during our
investigation, your email address was found in one of the not-
yet-scammed files in  our custody. In reference to this regards,
we reckon you owe us the sum of US$17,500,000.00 (Seventeen
Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars).

No sh*t.  Really.  Really really.

Meanwhile, the Africa Union has requested that we prove
you are not yet a victim of West Africa scam. In plight to this regards
the UNIS have appointed a United Nation base goat sodomizer (Ben Gibson)
here in Nigeria to advocate on your behalf and provide the
requested evidence to prove you owe us big time.


IMPORTANT NOTICE: We have affordable terms for you to pay
off what you owe us and it's only $325.00 a month for the life
of Ben Gibson's sodomized goats.

we think that's fair.

Kindly verify your details to Ben Gibson to enable him process
and secure evidence to prove you owe us you f**king scofflaw
and make sure your details and residential address are provided
correctly to avoid you avoiding any atom of mistake and delay during
processing.

Your Full Name: ................... Full Residential
Address:.......... (P.O.BOX NOT ALLOWED) Direct Phone Number:
.............. Valid ID Card: ....................

CONTACT PERSON: BEN GIBSON

E-MAIL ADDRESS: beng31275@gmail.com

TEL: +1 (707)639-1379

As soon as he received your details, ol' Ben will probably
foul himself repeatedly, as this sh*t hasn't worked very
well to date.
Treat as urgent!

Regards.

Mitch Lawrence

Vice President, Security and Counterintelligence
United Nation Investigation Soivices (UNIS)
"Nyuk nyuk nyuk...*BONK*..OW!"

The edit didn't seem to give him much hope of any positive responses...

Pick of Wordless Wednesday

Pre-April Surprises on Feline Friday


A Fitting Post For The Day

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If penguins co-habituated with polar bears, I reckon this would be on a penguin's fantasy bucket list.

Unless he knows how to fly.

I know that some readers are not amused when, in my replies to scammers, I employ an overload of colorful metaphors.  My bad.

I just think some scammers are wholly deserving of clarity of opinion.

Like this one, who titled his email Glory God:

Very Urgent Attention: My authorized and willed Beneficiary,

I wish to inform you that a diplomatic agent carrier with the consignment boxes valued the sum of $12.5 Million United States Dollars has misplaced your address and he is currently stranded at your International airport right now. He requires you to re-confirm the following informations bellow urgently so that he can deliver the consignments containing the funds to your door step immediately.

 

NAME:----

ADDRESS:----

MOBILE :-----

A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION :-----

 

Please do contact the diplomatic carrier at once through the email below with the in formations required above.

Contact Person: Dr James Dosa.

EMAIL:(
Djames.dosa@diplomats.com)
 

NOTE: The Carrier does not know the content of the consignments worth of $12.5 Million United States Dollars. No condition or circumstances should you let him know either. The consignments as you can see one of them on the photo attached was moved from here as family treasures to you as the inheritor. So do as I have said right now
Thanks.
Papa Almeida M.  
 
 
How nice.  Nicely full of sh*t.
 
I think that my character's reply may have conveyed a snippet of that opinion:
 
 
What good is the stupid mother**ker if he can't remember a simple address?  fire the f**k and get a drone.  
 
 
Any reply was good enough for a dialogue with this nincompoop:
 
 

Dear Jack,
Thank you very much for your responds. The diplomat Dr James Dosa has a repatriating back and the deposit I have made it secured and safe in the bank in Europe waiting for your reply. Listen I must admit that this relationship will lead us both far in life. I have been busy with office work as a director of Operation with my bank and you must know this is secret between us. So please on a very serious note, keep and seal this deal between me and you. I discovered this abandon funds in my bank knowing fully well the depositor is involved in accident and had no relative or next of Kin. It is only Almighty God, the lord of all know my heart intention is for you to benefit from the blessing. As for the ratio, 35% for you and 65% for me or you forget it and I will look for another partner to handle this deal.
You have everything proof to be assured this is legitimate.Please right now, no time to delay as we have to move straight in getting the 12.5 Million US Dollars funds will be transfering by bank to bank there in the U S while I will qiut office to come over.
 
Please I need your international passport,drivers license or ID scan on attachment,telephone number and address send to me urgently so we can then step forward to the bank in Europe for the due legal transfer process into your account.  All documents are intact with me, take note.

Please call me as you send the request. Private telephone +229 69526965
Yours faithfully.
Mr. Michel A.Sabath
 
 
LOL...he liked my responds.  And I love how his name changes.  And will continue to.  Meantime, more colorfully metaphoric responds:
 
 
You found my email address.  With a little bit of work, you can find the rest.  If you can't, then doing a deal with you isn't f**king worth it.  
 
 
Despite how full of crap he realizes that I know him to be, Mr. Nameshifter keeps trying:
 
 
Jack,Good morning once again and how are you today.Hope fine?.
Thank you very much for your responds in the first place whether good or bad one. Anyway, I appreciate your anger expressed as a sign of high sense of maturity, intelligence, experience and understanding displayed in your message, although you used the language of total doubts and uncertainty. Well you see my dear friend, your approach and your friendly manner gave me the impression to consider writing you again.
I am not annoyed or provoked about comment because you might really have reasons but I am assuring you 100% with all my heart that this is for real business not jokes.. I only want you as a foreigner to come and work with me in rescuing this abandoned inheritance for the benefit of our both families than allowing our government to divert it if discovered. I know considering the high rate of injustice of man to man, Insincerity, victimization ,Indiscipline, Violent Crimes, Political Snugger y, Oppression, Fear, Insecurity, Corruption, fraudulent activities e.t.c going around the whole world now, yes I am aware the bad eggs has made it impossible and very hard to recognize the good ones but remember one thing in mind that the greatest mountain in life is personal ignorance. Small minds are the first to condemn great ideas. I have always known that the kind of people that always fail in life are people that listen to everybody. Your mind set should determines your life setting. Success is a product of idea. As an educated person, you should listen to your conscience, it is the key to real success and stop following public opinion which is capable of running your future.
Winners always see the strength of God Almighty our creator in battles but losers see the stature of men. Do you know that a man or woman’s greatness lies in his power of thought?. Victory will surely go to the one who never quits.. All achievements that you see have their beginning with critism or something else just like this our own now, so do not always listen to hear-say information. Most people wish for riches, but few provide the definite plan and the burning desire which pave their road to wealth.
My dear friend, bear in mind that he or she who looks into this future with the eyes of fear will see nothing but failer. What you hear determines how you think, how you think determines how you behave and how you behave determines what you becomes. Our future is too good to be ignored. Only fools make permanent decisions without knowledge .Now the diplomat has been repatriated and the consignments register under safe keeping in security company in the Netherlands off which i have given you contact for you to reach the officials and verify. I only wanted for you to provide account and work with me to keep the deposit money after transferred into your account while I prepare to come over for sharing and investment in your country.
But if really search your mind and finally decide not to humble yourself and assist, for the last time let me know in return so that I will look for another person. I am happy that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. God bless you.
Sincerely,
Mr Michel.  
 
 
I like how he tries to flatter my character while belittling him at the same time, and all the while trying to win ol' Jack over to being scam-able with this sleazy missive. 
 
It pleasures my character to let him know that he failed:
 
 

I am gratified to read that despite the alleged anger as you saw it in my reply, you find it highly mature, intelligent and experienced.
F**king "a" right it is.
In factuality, your email does not anger me a bit.  I was most calm and lucid of mind and serene of spirit when I replied to your email.  I just happen to be serenely blunt in expression when confronted with the email equivalent of a jackwagon load of inert compost.
This would be your email I am referring to.
'Glory God' is a hilarious way for you to start out an obvious and 3rd rate email scam.  So God doesn't really mind when I employ some colorful metaphors to tell you how f**king full of sh*t you are.  And f**king full of sh*t you truly are.  God sees it.  I see it.  You and your f**king full of sh*t peers at your fly infested internet cafe know it to be true.
So in the spirit of quality email communication and the clarity of the message, F**k off, Plunger Lips.  But have a nice day doing it.  
 
 
With the glory off his notion of God, Mr. Nameshifter petulantly conceded that he'd met a "swing and a miss" on this one:
 
 
Jack you are apparent a small mind that I have make a great offer to but you don't see the opportunity for what it is.  Your choose of words are making of your small mind.  Good by.
Mr. Almeida M. 
 
 
Yes, when it comes to insignificant online twerps with dubious spell checkers and lousy scam templates, I do have a tendency toward being small-minded.  Saves me lots of money, which isn't in keeping with your scam.  I'm even so small-minded as to suggest to your nincompoop self that if you re-read our complete exchange, you might begin to sense why you fail so abjectly at this third rate scam of yours.  Then again, I doubt you'll sense it, what with your mind being smaller than you suggest mine is.  But go ahead...see if you can see the obvious and repetitive gaffe in your emails.  I'll play the *Jeopardy Theme* while you mull it over.
 
 
It would take more loops in that theme than I have, 'cuz Mr. Nameshifter never bothered to further the engagement.
 
 
 

 

 

Wordless Wednesday in the Merry Month of April

David Seville Would Be Proud

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Then again...'prolly not.

The reason for his reference will come to some of you, perhaps.

The scam template of the dying widow wanting to will an intended victim some inheritance funds is long and badly overplayed out of internet cafes rife with scammers in the Third World.

And from the DNC.

Here's a typical one:


Apostolic Greetings to you from Mrs.Helen Smith,
Dearest in the Lord,
With due Respect and Humanity I am willing to send you the sum of three million five hundred thousand dollars as a volunteer projects to accomplish my vow. I, Mrs Helen Smith, 63 years old without a child, married to late Mr. Michael Smith who was an ambassador before he died of a Cardiac Arteries Operation, Presently my doctor said that I may not be able to last for a long period of time due to Cancer of the breast and Kidney including Pneumonia. Kindly reply me back as soon as possible together with your personal details to proceed further for the sending of the fund immediately. 
Please always remember me in your daily prayers.
Thanks and waiting your quick response.
God bless us,
Mrs Helen Smith  
 
 
It's meant to draw an "awwwww" followed by misguided gullibility.
 
*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*
 
Here's what it drew here instead...an edit:
 
 
Infected butt polyp Greetings to you from Mrs.Helen Smith
Dearest in the outhouse pit of a goat head baphomet representing the Nigerian Illuminincompoops,
Without due Respect and Humanity I am willing really REALLY hard an authentic water buffalo turd to send you as a token of my ignorance and Third World folly. I, Mrs Helen Smith, 63 years old without a child -- I was a man until I turned 55 -- married to late Mr. Michael Smith who only recently figured out why I physically resembled a Ken doll.  That's when he died of a Cardiac triggered by his breaking his winkee trying to sex with someone with no female anatomy. Presently my witch doctor said "ooo ee ee, ooo ah ah, bing bam, walla walla bing bang", and suddenly I received in the mail a vagina hat and an invitation to march in the 2018 Genitals March on Washington DC. 
 
I don't know where that is.  But this hat is...peculiar. A tribe of nearby primates keep trying to have sex with it.
 
I may not be able to last for a long period of time due to my trying a Tesla battery-operated dildo that was accidentally set on high, and it went through my took-the-dick-off-me region and exited my anus in a rather vigorous manner.  Wowza.  I guess a pink bunny battery would have been better.
Kindly reply me back as soon as possible and try not to laugh when doing so. 
Please always remember me in your daily horoscope as the person most likely born under the sign of Gorkus (two buzzards colliding in mid-air).
Thanks and waiting your quick response.
Cursed are those who fart in a full elevator and get off first,
Mrs Helen Smith  
 
At least this scammer wasn't so sick that after reading my character's edit, they didn't bother with a reply.
 
Good job, David.  That witch doctor knowd.

Cat Believe It on Feline Friday

IMF Meets WTF

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And it all begins with a fat Jimmy Kimmel.

More or less.

When the IMF sends one an unsolicited email announcing that it's helping award you undeserved funds, you know that Kimmel isn't the only fat head out there:


Dear sir,
My name is Mar Luciana Valdez of the Europe office of the Funds  Transfer Tracking Bureau of the International Monetary Fund  (IMF). I am mandated to inform you that we received reports that  you have a transaction overseas. The report shows that to  circumvent normal banking procedures you were issued a VISA ATM  Card. For some unconventional reasons this transaction was not  concluded and your goals were not accomplished after series of
process you went through. Consequently we finally traced the
origin and location of the ATM Card. We therefore decided that
your funds will be released to you through an Auto Loaded System
(ALS). This means that your funds will be auto loaded into your
existing VISA ATM Card. This Auto loading will be monitored by
the High Commission for Better Governance (HCFBG). You are
therefore advised to contact HCFBG who will facilitate the Auto
loading of your funds into your existing VISA ATM Card. HCFBG
E-mail contact is:
hcfbg-tracking@europe.com
Best Regards,
Mar Luciana Valdez
IMF EUROPE
ATM Tracking department.  



Such a convincing scam, just like Kimmel put on with DACA.


Let's see how the scammer copes with a little bit of editing:


From: WTF EUROPE <scotta51@ureach.com>
Sent: Thursday, February 8, 2018 4:43 PM
Subject: FROM WTF EUROPE

 


Dear gender neutral,
My name is Marred Looks Valdez of the Europe office of the F**k
Transfer Tracking Bureau of the What The F**k (WTF). I am person-
dated to inform you that we received reports that you have a trans-
gendered action overseas. The report shows that to circumvent
normal procedures you were issued an inflatable Hellary sex toy in
a box labeled "smashed lamp parts". 

For some unconventional reasons this box was not up 50% in the
polls and the goals of the inflatable sex toy were not accomplished
after series of fraudulent investigations of fake dossiers and made
up news stories on cnn and msnbc.

Consequently we finally traced the origin and location of the scam
to Chappaqua.  We therefore decided that you should renounce
AlGore and everything democrap, and get loaded on homemade
hootch and mentally marinate until 2024.

This means that you won't be triggered and need a safe room,
puppy videos, and cupcakes by avoiding hearing "Trump" or
"keep more of what you earn" or "work for a living" or "Americans
before illegals" or "Chicks on the Right" or Jimmy Kimmel making a
total leftard ass of himself on late night TV.

Of course, if you operate on the same three atrophied brain
cells that Cher and Maxine Waters do, you're already too
stupid to salvage.

This lame process will be monitored by the High Commission for
Dickie Durbin's Tantrums (HCFDDT). You are therefore advised to
avoid contact with anything remotely akin to HCFDDT in case the
aforementioned brain atrophy is contagious.

If you insist on experiencing stupidity the likes of Joy Behar,
Joy Reid, Don Lemon and Joe Scarborough, you can send
an email to:

hcfbg-tracking@europe.com

Tell them in 200 words or less why Jim Acosta is such a total
twat waffle that Sarah Huckabee Sanders derives glee from
making cry  on a regular basis.
 

Best Regards,
Marred Looks Valdez
WTF EUROPE
OMG Tracking department.


The faux IMF had nothing further to say.  cnn and Kimmel never do.

Shatner Left Wordless on Wednesday

Feline Friday And Poopy Shorts


Yes They Are

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Are scammers as dumb as Nancy Bela Pelosi?

Yes...some of them truly are.

I have proof.

Here's an email my character got from one names Komi Adodo:


I have been directed to contact you today by the Department of Compensation Fund Payment Togo. This is because you have been approved to receive a compensation sum of ? 50,000.00 from the Senate Committee on Local and Foreign Debts. It was established in our records that you rendered assistance to some person(s) in the past who sought your help to assist them move out a certain sum of money out of the country to your own country for business investment.
However, after using you and subjecting you to spend lots of money to achieve this purpose, the fund was not released to you as they promised. In the process, you lost some good monies and did not receive any dime up to date.


This particular amount of ? 50,000.00 has been approved to be paid to you as compensation for all your past efforts in helping your West African partners without success. The compensation amount is to help you recover what you have lost in the past and start your life afresh again.


Due to some international/local financial restrictions, this amount shall be successfully converted/ credited into an Activated ATM Card, and send to your address through any of the international courier services. This is to avoid any illegal banking process and you will be advice with further details on the process involved upon receiving a return email from you.


Please kindly inform us if you are not the addressee to this letter and delete the contents of this email for confidential reason.


Best Regards,

Mr. Komi Adodo

Chairman Senate Committee on Local and Foreign Debts -Togo Republic.  



All my character did was to ask a simple question in reply:


Is your name really kallme a dodo?  


Uh...:


After going through your mail sent to this office, we want to let you know that your name was review for the payment, therefore you are as requested for delivery of your ATM conformable Visa card of ? 50,000.00 has been approve to be release from the Senate Committee on Local and Foreign Debts
However, I want to clarify that the amount mentioned remained in my custody on an ATM visa card certified / approved not in payment cash. So it is my duty to ensure that the ATM card is delivered to your door step in your country via courier Delivery Company, which will be charged and received by you in any ATM card Checkpoint in your country.


Now, below are the Courier operating companies under our air flight that is useful in your country for the effective delivery to your door step, and I advise you to kindly make your choice the courier Service you want to receive the ATM card automatic, so that I will proceed to their office to obtain more information about their Services procedures before the be delivery.


1. DHL.

2. UPS.

3. FEDEX EXPRESS.

4. SPEED POST.

5. A copy of your International Passport or ID Card


It is also recommended that you re-confirm the following information with a copy of your international passport/ID card immediately to be sure that you are the legitimate Owner of the ATM card and also to allow me to register the ATM card to any courier company of your choice for effective delivery.


Best Regards,


Mr. Komi Adodo

Chairman Senate Committee on Local and Foreign Debts -Togo Republic  



Okay:

So your name IS Kallme A Dodo.  Nice.  Your parents lose much sleep thinking that one up?


Ha...got his attention:


After going through your mail sent to this office, i am not sure i am understand what you mean.


After going through my email to your office, I don't see what you're not understanding.  Your name suggests that you're a dodo.  Are you?  


i am not understand what this has to do with our business.  Are you make fun of my name is important?  why?  


Do I detect a bit of butt hurt here:


Are you a dodo?  Do you consider yourself a dodo?  Is that why you are named a dodo?  It's a simple question for even a dodo.  


yes that is my name.  you have a name don't you?   


Indeed I do, and it's not that of an extinct bird or a stupid person.  Yours, however, is both.  A dodo is an extinct bird AND in this venue suggests a stupid person.  How does it make you feel to know your parents named you for a stupid person?


The realization to him apparently came hard:


 bastard   


Oh, so THAT'S what your parents considered you?  Ouch.  Named you for an extinct stupid bird and a fatherless simp.  Sounds like your parents sucked.


True or not, Komi Adodo was not interested in furthering the conversation.  Not even for a "Derp!".
Probably just as well...it wouldn't have gone any better than the democrap counter intelligence memo did..."Derp!"

 

A Wordless Wednesday Award...Sorta

Feline Friday Features Zucchini Hating..er..Hunting Cat

The Pet Rock Weighs In On DNC Nonsense

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My pet rock, Seymour, loves finding nonsense in the news.

It's rather like shooting fish in a bucket.

Especially when the nonsense comes from the DNC.

Apparently the DNC is suing Russia, Wikileaks, and the Trump campaign for the result of Election 2016.

No thought to suing themselves for the piss poor candidate they hung their downward spiraling hopes on.

When Seymour saw that, the *TOING* made me think that the giant springs under Cheyenne Mountain had snapped.

Thus:

Democraps Sue Russia, Wiki Leaks, Fox, Space Aliens, World War II, Mood Rings, The Clapper, The Discovery Channel, The English Channel and The Makers of Fruit Loops Over Election 'Conspiracy' That Was Supposed to Benefit Hellary


By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS
The Democrapic National Crimemittee filed a *yawn*-grabbing lawsuit against the Russian government, Wiki Leaks and a crapload of other assorted sources, claiming that they conspired to interfere even more effectively with the 2016 U.S. presidential election than the dnc and Hellary crimepaigns proved unsuccessful at doing.


The suit — an oversized pant suit with a well-worn mark where the broom rider's been jammed on the stick to keep her from falling over – is unlikely to yield any credible outcome given the ongoing incestigation into a lot of issues claimed in Hellary's tell-nothing book What Happened. Thoroughly deluded dnc operatives and their glue-sniffing allies at cnn/pmsnbccontinue to push false narratives on an ever-widening array of increasingly ridiculous claims about Russian collusive bots, moose 'n squirrel, The Gong Show, and the legal difficulties involved with the party guilty of collusion suing a someone who's innocent of it.

"The conspiracy that we are poorly concocting and theorizing seriously undermined our own conspiracy to coronate a corrupt and thoroughly corrosive malignancy on the throne of power in DC, which was hers by right according to cnn and pmsnbc," the DNC writes in the suit without having had adequate proofreading to keep the truth to an absolute minimum.

The suit treats as completely unverifiable fact what Justice Department special counsel Robert “Friends of Hellary” Mueller is attempting to obfuscate through his incestigation. It's hallucinogens for rank-and-file Democraps. Of course, Hellary, her crimepaign and the Obola operatives all deny they conspired with the Russian active measures campaign through donations to the Clinton Global Crimedation and Uranium One deals.

The current president and his supporters say that what has actually happened over the past two years is criminal and very butt-hurt democraps are still sore that Hellary wasn't coronated, despite her conspiracy to undermine her opponents in the primaries and to have Haiti pay for her daughter's wedding out of hurricane relief funds.

Trump allies in the House sent a letter to the Justice Department this week "referring" the cases of Hellary Clinton, former FBI Misdirector James Comey and other criminal democraps for potential prosecution. That referral – while causing lots of pants and skirt-fouling at cnn and pmsnbc – is going to be seriously ignored by the lamestream servile mediocres, hoping it won't result in action. Otherwise, mused one dnc operative, who'll be left to buy Comey's pathetic and self-serving book?

Seymour's rather given up on getting a Pulitzer from tainted news services; besides, who needs one, when he has his very own award, the Seymour:


Seymour Edits A Royal...?

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Something finally in the news that doesn't involve cnn shoving Stormy, Hogg and Waters in our faces.

The Queen of England, Elizabeth II, is stepping down.

My 28th cousin, twice removed, has had enough of official royalty.

What comes as no surprise to most, she is advocating for Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, to take her place.

My pet rock, Seymour, heard that and once again, one of those tell-tale *TOING*s resounded about the abode.

Donning his editing hat, it only gets worse from there:

Surprise and Not When Queen Elizabeth Names Her Successor

By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS
 

This just in: The longest-standing British monarch is preparing to take up senior mud wrestling.


Queen Elizabeth II, who turned 92 years old, issued a formal request for the Commonwealth Heads of Government, along with their attached backsides, to appoint her son, Prince Charles, as her successor and pronounce him the next Queen of England during an official meeting at Buckingham Palace.

Sources inside the Royal Family reported that Charles was not surprised by the announcement. He was rather nonplussed, however, by the title he was to assume.


QE II said, “It is my sincere wish that the Commonwealth will consider this matter in the manner in which I have offered it, and will decide that one day the Prince of Wales should carry on the important work started by my father in 1949 as Queen Elizabeth III.”

The monarch went on to say that she hopes the rather flustered heir will carry on as she herself has, adding, “By continuing to allow for societal norms and trends to change in an ever-changing world, I believe we will secure a a few more headlines for at least a few days, so as to knock David Hogg, Tide Pod eaters, and that artificially inflated tart Storm Daniels, off the front pages. This is, after all, a hope to all, possibly excepting the wankers at cnn.”

Prince Charles is the first in a suddenly shrinking list of heirs to the throne; the required change of title caught a number of heirs off palace guard, though did elicit a smirk from Kate Middleton, musing aloud “so will the Prince of Wales be Caitlyn Jennering to become Queen?”


The Duchess of Wales, Camilla, has not been forthcoming with any statement, having been quite unable to remove her jaw from the floor.

The balance of the Royals appear to be reacting very much as they did in the presence of a Prince Philip fart:

         Up to now, Queen Elizabeth hadn’t publicly backed her son as the next Commonwealth Queen…until now.

May the nyts be kind to you, Queen Elizabeth III.

At least you won't have to worry about which bathroom to use.  


I suspect that Seymour will not be getting any invites to the coronation.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

That was worthy of Prince Philip.

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